Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1

It’s been three long years, and with one more film to go, the Twilight Saga is about to be completed. With that said, what makes those three years seem so much longer because four films preceded the release of “Breaking Dawn, Part 1,” and still they just seemed be treading water. And considering that next year the final movie will come out, it makes this all the more frustrating.

The one part that separates this film from the rest was the moment all Twihards have been waiting for: the wedding of Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) and her vampire companion, Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson). The wedding took up the first 20 minutes or so, and I must say it was quite entertaining. Not because of the actual wedding exactly. The ceremony was actually done in a very cut-to-his face, cut-to-her face way as they said the basic “to love and to cherish, blah, blah, let’s hope we don’t get divorced” shtick.

It’s the party afterward that was kind of enjoyable. The supporting cast shone in humorous bits as they congratulated the bride and her groom.

Much anticipated honeymoon has no passion
Then the two were whisked away to Brazil to spend their honeymoon, doing so while Bella was still human as not to spend it “writhing in pain.” This was where it all went downhill.

Upon arriving in their fancy getaway bungalow, they immediately made their way to the bedroom. They giggled like two adolescent tweens as they realized they would finally consummate their relationship.

This then spawned a montage that would seem perfect for a romantic comedy with the appropriate “what should I wear scene” accompanied with upbeat pop rock, as Bella prepared herself in the bedroom for what was to come later in the evening.

But then the much-anticipated sex scene arrived, and just like everything else, it was approached in a way that was not passionate, but funny. They awoke in the morning to find the bed destroyed as Bella smiled. The audience laughed, and so did it.

The problem was this should have been an intensely passionate scene because four movies have been building up to it.

But, instead, it was treated by director, Bill Condon (“Chicago,” “Kinsey,” “Gods and Monsters”) almost like a joke.

This then spawned another silly montage (music and all) of their playing on their honeymoon including hiking, swimming and, of course, playing chess.

Again, it was something that should have been sweeping and romantic, as promised. But it was all just dopey with a nonstop barrage of bad music and cringe-worthy glances.

But they were refraining from more sex because Edward didn’t want to hurt Bella with his ultra-bed-breaking vampire moves. Yet Bella was persistent, and like all men (Yes, ladies, he’s like every other guy.) he gives in.

Movie suffers from post-necrofelia-depression
This is where I will stop giving you a plot summary, as this is where the plot essentially ended and became an elongated scenario. It was the moment Bella realized she was carrying Edward’s mutant vamp offspring.

From here on out, the movie consisted of Bella looking sickly, and both Edward and her other male friend, Jacob (Taylor Lautner), telling her how they are/were right, and she was wrong. She wanted to keep the child, and they wanted her to kill “it.”

From here until the end, this movie was full of unintentional laughs, bad visuals and sloppy dialogue. One scene that combined all of this was when Jacob in wolf form had a little meeting with his wolf buddies about Bella’s child. They snarled and growled at one another, and voiceovers had them talking, what I assume was, telepathically.

It just looked bad as you know they were talking to one another about something serious, in such a weirdly hilarious manner. This also showed Jacob, even in wolf form, acting like a child, essentially saying: “I don’t have to take orders from you! Do you know who my father is?”

My biggest issue with the movie and rather all these movies, in general, was they skim the most interesting parts of the story just so they can fill it with scenes of Edward and Jacob arguing and Bella just accepting everything. It makes for very dull drama that has spanned four films.

The case was even worse in this one because it could’ve been a deep character piece in which the audience could explore Bella’s experience with death, married life and confronting possible immortality.

Instead the director and writers filled the movie with tedious scenes of Ed and Jake coming in and instead of saying: “I love her! No, I love her!” saying: “You’re wrong! No you’re wrong!”

Never did they consider what she wanted, like good friends and a husband. They were supposed to be more mature, but, like always, they bickered like teenagers. The movie was filled with doom-laden dialogue, with no rays of hope to be seen.

That was essentially the story. And it was filled with odd details like the wolf pack’s weird desire to kill the mutant child (It’s really never explained why, which would be important when discussing child murder.) and Jacob “imprinting” (falling in love, I guess) with the newborn.

Another point that struck me as weird was the audience. These were supposed to be die-hard fans, yet they were laughing at more unintentional comedy scenes. It led me either to assume they feel the movies are just as bad as I, or they were so (I apologize) stupid they could not differentiate what was drama and what was comedy.

They were supposed to be dramatic scenes, yet they got laughs. That made it really hard for me to take these movies seriously when the fans didn’t seem to.

Movie series dies, but continues lifelessly
All in all, these movies have just been a mess. I blame it on shifting directors who specialize in vastly different things. Condon is famous for doing movies like “Chicago” and “Dream girls” and usually writes his own material. It really shows he cannot handle action like the last director (David Slade) as the one action scene in the film was hectic, zoomed in and acted like a fifth-grade school fight. You wanted to watch, but you knew nothing bad would happen.

All these movies have been misguided attempts at romance and have instead come out as pop culture gimmicks with constant soapy melodramatic plotting meant for tweens and music that would make it on any end-of-the-year hit list. They could have been sweeping and romantic, but instead were just silly are poorly acted.

This movie is worse for being the second to last, and not changing anything. The movie stretched beyond its plot range and was accompanied by bad visuals and a borderline sexist message. (Hey, you should’ve listened to your man.)

This was a “Part 1” that failed, unlike “Deathly Hallows, Part 1,” which also had some tedious elements but still progressed in plot, character development, visuals and had a fantastic score.

Hopefully, “Part 2” will be better, but that’s a long shot.

Grade: D

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